Heather Pound

you had this idea that you could go out

into the large wide world and that somehow

you would be able to bear all that you came across

 

the joys

the pains

the labour futile

and the moments that made it all worth it

were fewer and further between

than you ever imagined

 

and you gave and you poured out

ladles of water here and there

into the endless everywhere

 

and you were surprised that you became dry

shrivelled as walnuts do

and you had nothing left with which to wash

your own cracked skin

or to cleanse from your heart the ongoing struggle

of other people’s pain

 

for you knew that heartless was never a name

you could sew on your own tender skin

yet your own heart desensitised bit by bit uncomfortable

and this was perhaps worse even because hardened scabs

tear at healthy flesh when bumped or jarred

 

so you retreated for a time to ponder

to lick your wounds

to heal

and discovered that even though empathy

is your unspoken name

that empathy must be extended to yourself first

before others can also experience her balm

 

and you learned that while pain is a thing

that must be felt

–that you can release it as well

 

so now as you sit with others in the expression of theirs

[even those the very closest to your heart]

you let the feelings ebb and flow like tide

you listen and respect the place of which they are

joining them there then

but once they leave you stop to notice—to feel

the uncomfortable poking here

the nestling in of soreness there

 

and you gather up theses morsels together

like fruit freshly picked bushelled up

and then you consciously—release

 

radiating out of fingers and toes

top of the head

bottom of feet

 

because this is not your task to feel long

this pain is theirs and not yours to bear

any longer than is needed

for empathy extended at the time

 

you will remember—yes—and you can

go with them there again

but carrying other people’s pain long

is a habit unsustainable

 

this is not heartless–but necessary

if this habit continues

it will only harm YOU

and will do nothing

to alleviate theirs

 

–it is not possible to carry other people’s pain

 

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Jerry Kavan on Unsplash

for perhaps a year or even three

i wondered—not fully in doubt because i had

too much evidence gathered through a lifetime

of experience that you are real

that you are good

that a life spent with you is a life

worth living

 

but all the discourses of all the thinking

and reasoning and logic of others

did make some part of me wonder

even if just a bit—and it kept me from you

from being able to fully appreciate you

to talk openly with you

and especially while my mind said i did

my heart struggled to fully trust

 

but then at the right and honest time

after i had grown in ways that were needed

and in ways that i now appreciate

even if i do not fully understand

 

and while nothing else has changed really

the veil of my dimly lit heart was raised

and now i see you clear again

now i feel you near

 

and now—even though some days are hard

i am once again confident to the depths

of heart and soul

 

and i say like that woman in the desert

so very long ago—that while there are still

situations difficult and while i know the

road will have patches uneven ahead

this one thing i understand

better than ever before

 

that you are the One-who-sees

really sees me

as well as understands

deep down into the core

of a very human heart

a heart like mine

 

there is nothing that escapes your gaze

and you have all of these situations

securely firmly safely held

in your loving hand

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

what cheeky minds we have

that tell us that we’re

too tired, too busy, too stressed

to take time to create

 

it’s true that we may not right off fashion

anything we attribute as good

but we’re never too [insert excuse] to try

even while the ego that sits stubborn

inside insists that we cannot

 

we would never build a house without

practise or intricate patterns make

we would never expect to pick up an

instrument and in an orchestra play

 

so why do we think if we don’t

pick up a pen or paintbrush and

beautiful things make—that we

are without ability

rubbish

 

all of these take practise

practise

practise

before a work of art is made

so create without judgement

set yourself free

plan to be fearless

and simply start today

 

Heather Pound 2024

 

Photo by Yannick Pulver on Unsplash

out beyond where your thoughts may wander today

is a field of grass so green that all you want to do

is lay down on soft blades silent

 

there are many days that you never reach this space

this place of quiet and rest because for you at least

rest involves discipline

 

to quiet the mind

the listen with whole heart and being

to cut through layers of distraction that are all

the prisms of a rainbow bright

 

dialling down

heart-slowing focus

is not your natural state to be

but oh the peace you find when you make the effort

take the time

avoid all possible detours

to arrive at this place healing

 

this is the place where problems lose their power

and what only an hour or so ago felt insurmountable

is now seen through the perspective of peace

 

this is the space where you feel closest to God

where you get to walk with him in the cool of the day

picking flowers here

wading through peaceful streams there

and laying down once again

on the softest green-green grass

to rest

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by pen_ash on Unsplash

as i contemplate the grief

the loss

the crushing down

the tumble

the resistance

the death of who i was

into the resurrection of

who i am

 

i remember back to the beginning

when i would have given anything

to simply jump the chasm of grief

to the other side

 

to look back and say ‘ah ha’ to loss

‘i have foiled you

i laugh at your intention

you have not got me yet’

 

that would have thrilled me then

but now i look back and back down

to gaze at my own two hands

the things that these hands and heart

can hold and the things that they

have made

 

because you would not have

convinced me in the middle

that this could at all be true

–but now i treasure the things

that pain and loss have gifted me

 

with things like—

‘you will keep breathing

you will stand up once again

this journey will have an end’

 

and what it was like in the midst

of darkness thick to see 

the very first crack

the tear in the black

when light came through again

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Joe Dudeck on Unsplash

they never tell you when you hold

your own soft babe

that the pain that might pierce their heart

can shatter yours as well

 

that love and sorrow are so intermingled woven

that you often cannot feel the one without the other

always cradled close you carry them in a satchel

next to your very soul

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on Unsplash

if you cannot move

feet planted solid and fast

stuck in the mud and muck

you can at least still lean

 

lean into the direction that you next want to go

the place where fields of grace await

do not lean back in remembrance of the place

that you have been

 

to gather bouquets of lessons learned is fine

but do not go back to the site of your scars

do not seek the presence of the things that did this

 

that was then

this is now

so in this moment in the absence of

all that is darkness

lean

 

lean strong and intentional towards grace

grace for others too but mostly towards

the grace you never offered to you

 

a child throws tantrums because they do not

know how to identify a need

it’s not really about a fizzy or a biscuit

or not putting on their shoes

it’s about the need of rest of comfort

or the calming of a mind overstimulated

 

you have grace for this—but you struggle

with grace for you

 

i do not say this to add to any guilt of shame

but to gently point to that doorway that portal

that leads the way towards grace

 

softly beckoning

gently drawing

you can follow her there if you choose

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by meriç tuna on Unsplash

she shot from curled up ball of fluff one second

to protector-predator the next

haunches strong propelling her across the room

in celebration of the hunt instinctual

 

and my what a lovely time she had

chasing that one wayward little mouse

around the house this morn

 

and since the mouse escaped in the end

[i would like to know where it is now anyway]

perhaps it was a lovely way for it

to spend the morn  as well

 

–oh the ways and wonders of the creature that is cat

Heather Pound 2024

photo by Hannah Bates

when you call to yourself

disoriented within the forest of trees

branches waving

wondering if you have lost yourself at last

darkness approaching

leaves rustling with who-knows-what

coming

 

in moments like these you do not stop

to politely consider

—no you scream out loud intuitively

from the depths of your very soul

perhaps in whispers nervous at first

then in howls full throated

 

and you call out to yourself

what you truly think of

as your own self-name

 

while you were named at birth

what you name yourself

within those woods

matters

 

in moments and places such as these

what is the name you instinctively choose

 

——we must be careful what we name ourselves since that is who we truly think we are. if things like idiot and looser and stupid are your go-to of habit, then intentionally choose and practice a different name. 

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Sebastian Unrau on Unsplash

do you know that it is not just

the whole and healed

parts of who you are–

the parts that you bring out

in settings polite

that you deem worthwhile

and fit for public consumption

 

these are not the entirety

of the ‘you’ that matters

[and i am sorry you were ever made

to feel as if they were] and

all the parts that you tend to conceal

do not make you less than

 

we are all a mixture and a mess

and every part of us is welcome

–because how can we ever become

the whole if we consistently deny

the portions that need tender love

and care to adapt

to heal

 

and all of these things we consider flaws

might just become gifts in the end

as they teach us about what it means

to be human for others and ourselves

and therefore

how to grow

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Aedrian on Unsplash