Go for the joy…..

A number of times lately I’ve heard the clear, clarion call to step aside from my daily life and spend time with God.  That awareness of Something so much greater than I can explain and the urge to commune with Him.  But, I got busy.

Why is it that especially when things are going well, the longing may be there but it can get pushed aside by the doing?

I used to feel oh-so-guilty when I pushed that call aside—-my Father wanted time with me and I’d neglected Him.  I hadn’t paid proper attention to Him and left Him waiting outside my life like the stereotypical grandfather waiting all alone for his neglectful, busy kids to visit. But not long ago I had a paradigm shift.

When God calls ‘come’ it’s for me. It’s because He has all the peace of His Presence to offer; all the deep companionship that I desire; all the friendship, wisdom and infilling of joy that I need. He completes everything I lack.  He has the answer to every question I could ever ask.

Quite simply, when He calls and I don’t respond—–it’s ME that misses out.

Anne Voskamp wrote this morning, “Life’s not about growing your career, your bank account, your retirement fund, your platform, your status—Life’s about growing your soul.”

Our souls. The thing that we often give the least attention to. We don’t realize how devastating it is to us to ignore that Call, to step aside and ponder, to learn, to sit at His feet and grow.  To cling to the Vine and the Source of life that He is.

Like a wanderer lost and delirious in the desert, we starve—-and only because we are too dull-witted not to drink the water that’s right beside us.

I’m starting the Empty Nest phase.  We still have one at home and we keep collecting others to look after, but three of my chicks have flown.  A visiting daughter was leaving her 7-month-old with me to babysit recently and asked if it still hurt when I separated from my own kids (as she left her delicious little lad with me!). I brushed off the question with something about how it gets easier, and it does when your kids are doing what you spent years teaching them to do and creating their own lives, it’s what we want. But throughout the day I realized that I wasn’t completely honest with her, that there were aspects of the adjustment that I hadn’t been facing and was routinely numbing in my own heart.

Like the Ebenezer Scrooge’s ghostly friend Jacob Marley, the longer we avoid Him the more we drag the baggage of our lives behind us as a weighty ball and chain. It’s painful, stressful and heavy and after a while it becomes too much and we need something to numb the pain.

In the modern world ‘busy’ just might be our biggest numbing vice. It covers a whole range of distractions. The physical tasks of our lives are easier than our ancestors and we have convenience coming out of our ears, but we can’t stop for a minute or the pain becomes too much to bear. We don’t look away from the screen, put down the phone, look into the eyes and hearts of the people around us because we’re asleep inside—and we’re afraid to be anything but that.

But here’s the thing, as one of my favourite authors Brene Brown says, “You cannot selectively numb.” When you numb anything it’s all inclusively wound up with every emotion.  When you numb the pain, you numb the joy, the connection, the peace, the fun, the happy, the love; basically all the good stuff that we’re looking for!

That’s not how I want to live. In fact, there are segments of my life that I wish I could have a do-over on for this very reason. Sometimes self-preservation is necessary and OK for a season when we’re waiting for the worst of pain to pass, but then the time comes when we need to engage again and we’ve just gotta do the work.  We’ve got to face the baggage to get free of it if we want to experience real joy again.

I wonder if avoiding God becomes part of our numbing? Because if we sit long enough in the Presence of our Creator we can’t help but feel something. And that’s the very thing that we need to DO. Sit with the pain in the healing comfort of His Presence. Share in the joy. Give Him the sorrow. Hold His hand and face the anxiety. Release the stress. Realign to our True North that makes everything else navigable.

I realized years ago in a counselor’s office for the sake of self-preservation that the very place I feel a strong resistance to going to in my head is actually the thing that I need to address the most. I think that’s true when we feel the call to spend time with Him as well. It’s not what He’s wanting from us, it’s what we need. 

So let’s stop avoiding and say like Paul did, “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ”  (Phil. 3:8)

The loftiest goal. The biggest mountain to climb. The greatest reward. If we really understood Who He is we’d do nothing but run toward Him and say, “I’m coming, Lord.”

My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
    And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” (Ps. 27:8)

Don’t settle for numb—–go for the joy.

Header Photo: Beth Waterman

Other photos: Cathi Geisler