how can i explain to you

the dizzying disorientation

that I feel

 

as we sit here in the present

talking about a topic that is

well and good

 

but for me it triggers and

takes me out of today into

time past

 

and my body, while perfectly

safe right now, remembers

a story different.

 

and even as my lips move

i am breathing in deep and

slow

 

reminding myself that i am

here and now and that i

am secure.

 

i feel the fabric of the sofa

beneath my fingers and i

scan the room.

 

even though this sounds

unpleasant, and it is, i have

dealt with this long.

 

and while this would have

sent me reeling in the past,

feeling like my

 

body itself betrayed and would

send me to my bed shivering

for the day,

 

i am now more swiftly aware,

more armed with the thoughts

that will remind me

 

that my body is my friend and

i appreciate its attempts to

protect

 

and whisper to it my thanks but its

vigilance in this moment is not

required

 

and most of the time this relationship

with ptsd goes unnoticed now by

everyone but me.

 

–when you have been strong through trauma and/or difficult circumstances for far too long without the opportunity to recover so your nervous system begins to slip too easily into fight, flight or freeze very much overreacting in the present moment, you may develop ptsd. if this is not you, please understand that for some that this is a very real issue and that just getting on with it is not an option. they need space, time and support to heal. if this is you, please know that there is support out there and that the out-of-control-ness that you feel now, does not mean it will be that way forever.

Heather Pound 2023

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash