Heather Pound

the word ‘diagnosis’ startles, jolts

echoes like a slamming door

and while i know

this was information sought

and information beneficial

there is also loss, a sadness unexpected

for years and years gone past

where had i known

(but no one knew back then)

i might have done things different

for one

i would have judged myself less…

i would have judged myself less

understood

and maybe life would have been sweeter

as i lay in bed at night rethinking the day

and self-acceptance would perhaps

have sooner come

and anxiety might not have pinched

with talons so sharp and constricting

with the extra effort required

to function as ‘normal’

maybe i could have offered myself grace…

and while grateful for the knowledge

grief must now be felt

(grief and self-pity do not taste the same)

so, i will sit, let this settle

before i return grateful for insight

granted to make a difference now

–and for the superpowers wrapped up

with adhd

tomorrow i will smile encouraged

but today, to feel this–is honest

–for all my dear friends, this was written earlier this year, but i am sharing now for the benefit of those who can relate

heather pound 2024