Heather Pound

sometimes

the most powerful thing a person can do

is simply to refuse

 

refuse to go down without a fight

refuse the fear that lurks within

that sense of guilt or shame

 

to refuse to listen to that cycle that

plays now on repeat of

‘not good enough’

‘too much’

‘useless’

‘unworthy’

 

to pick themselves up

to hold on to the last shred of light

strength is discovered in places such as these

resiliency formed

 

it is not the denial of that pain or its cause

but the recognition

the acceptance

that what is—just is

 

and then choosing

nay, refusing

to become defined by the pain

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Cathi Giesler

fields of sweetcorn towering in the sun

gathered in close–not set row upon row 

like my grandfather used to make

in a place that required irrigation

to enable plants to grow

 

the word that comes to mind

as i soak in this ample scene

is one i would use to describe a place

we have access to—but forget to live as if we do

 

it is

abundance

like this field before me

like the dreams of our ancestors

like all the things

a wonderous bounty of things

we casually hold

and may not even notice

or just clean forget

 

yet each of us holds enough space

in our hearts

to cradle all of this

 

–be aware of and count your many blessings

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Demian Tejeda-Benitez on Unsplash

you are caught in a tangle

a maze of worry and unease

sending you scattered down the path

forgetting which direction to go

whether you right or left last turned

bewildered

 

then you stop and turn and realise

that the walls that surround are not

as solid as they seem

 

as you examine them

you begin to see patterns

swirls and angles assembled

 

and realise then that a hedge full

of bushes and vines does not

a prison make

that freedom is entirely possible

and is even close at hand

 

and as you compare the logic available

in this moment to the chaos of the last

you realise that slowing right down

and facing your fears

has shown that they were not

as dangerous as you supposed

 

and the threats that were perceived

out of the corner of your eye

were not the impenetrable ones

assumed once you had turned

to face them instead

 

then you sit right down

place hands on hedge

unravel some branches here

detangle some vines over there

and you slip right through the

space you have found

 

and find that you in fact

are now no longer bound

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Anh Tuan To on Unsplash

there was a time when i had

forgotten how to sing

[perhaps you have forgotten too]

 

my voice became softer and quiet

until finally at last it stilled

except for the rare occasion

when something guttural and deep

released a note or two

 

i remember the echoing silence

and the raspy feeling when i opened

my mouth and nothing poured forth

dry

 

i was a singer from the time i was born

even before my first uttered word

natural in the music and the dance

 

when i try to pinpoint the moment exact

of when my song was stilled—

i think of a particular dark night  

where i sat and wept and held onto

the thought that joy comes sure

with morning’s light

 

this thought–

it got me through

many nights

such as these

 

until that chapter was closed at last

and i realised then that i held the pen

to rewrite

to invent

start afresh

learn again

to show up each and every day

released

 

and in the quiet of the moment

i noticed the rhythm

the beat

the drum

the sound of my very own heart

 

and a melody not altogether different–yet new

was stirred within my soul

and i cleared my throat

 

—and sang

[if it happened to me

you might experience it too]

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Matthew Jungling on Unsplash

i used to wear certainty like armour tight

feeling as if this was an anchor required

before I went out into the wide-wide world

dropped in place solid

 

but i discovered realistically

that an anchor impedes the actual journey

for when it is dropped down tight

–we go nowhere at all

 

and i realised that if I wanted to look back later

with stories to tell

then an open heart

a couple of cleaned out ears

and eyes prepared to see

were necessary

 

and on the journey i beheld various kinds of things

and listened into the experience vast that

many others bring

 

there were times of confusion—and often are still–

but as i opened arms wide to embrace

i learned and grew in ways worth knowing

and my heart’s ability to care did not shrink

–it expanded

and my brain’s ability to reason and wrestle

with truths or lies

what is light or dark

–deepened

 

and as i look back after numerous years traversed

a multitude of places visited

both glorious mountain peaks high

and freezing altitudes low

 

i realise that the certainty of my youth

has tempered with experience

and that a heart that thought itself wise before

had much to learn indeed

and it is in the posture of a listener

that wisdom is discovered

 

—there is much richness found in examining the perspective of others that would be lost if we never venture out to listen  

Photo by Morten Hornum on Unsplash

now is the time do not delay

this is the day for something new

for freedom to begin

for the life that you live

to become the one you choose

 

focus on the depths of what is

keeping your heart stagnant

what is this saying

why is this here

 

now is the time to address things like fear

to stare down its eyes of bloodshot red

–it does not know more than you

cannot the future see

no matter what it says

 

all it will do is to hijack your now

stealing precious energy and time

that is better spent with thoughts that

will encourage and expand

 

now is the time to not be afraid of sad

to let it rear its longing mouth up to the air

to breathe

 

sadness is the lack of something precious

so give it the air it needs

to say what it needs to say

feel what it needs to feel

for it would prefer to trundle off to the place

of healing rather than sit cold and alone in the dark

its intentions not evil but good

 

now is the time to face down the giants that have

blocked your path for far-far too long

now is the time to see them for what they are

now is the time to fight

 

and you o-weary-one

have more strength left within

than you realise 

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

God and i had a conversation

that felt a little one-sided

where i went on and on

about all of the things

i needed him to fix

and change

or at least help me

to feel better about

or understand even

 

i asked him why he was

moving so slow

why things had happened

in the first place

and where was he at the time

anyway

 

when i finally came to an end

breathless and turned 

to meet his gaze

i wondered how a face could

weep with sorrow and be so

full of  lovingly peaceful joy

at the very same time

 

and all he said was:

i hear you

and just trust me

 

if this has not turned into

something beautiful or good

then i have not finished yet

 

—hold on to the light

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Eugene Golovesov on Unsplash

we wander through grass to table cement

and we sit on the same side

watching seagulls whirl on wind

above green-green hills and sparkling sea

 

and you talk—and i listen

soaking in your thoughts

and later we philosophize

until you walk around to other side

and lay long-tall frame down on bench

with sighs

 

and all i can see is nose and eyes shut face

peering above table between

and you talk—and i listen

and i smell the grass and feel the breeze

 

and at this time there is no place else

on God’s green earth that i would choose to be

breathing soft in moment fully present

moving little lest you young colt

should startle and bolt spirited

 

and you talk—and i listen

the treasure of mothering grown-up son

and you talk—and i listen thankful

and my heart fills brim-full to running over

with peace

 

Heather Pound 2024

you must

[notice this please–i did not say should but must]

you must offer understanding to all of the versions of you

all the various you’s that you recall

 

stop holding them to that standard

that you expect of the one today

judging them now with older and wiser eyes

blaming them for what they did and did not do

the places they failed or caused you pain

when they were only young

 

instead be the kindest of kind

offer them a seat on the sofa comfy

pillow plumped behind back

feet raised

hot cocoa cup in hand

 

thank them one by one for all the adventures

you have journeyed together—and the things

that they practiced long and taught

 

perhaps you will be inspired again

by their youthful flair

by feet that used to twirl

costume sorted audience or not

 

celebrate their innocence and naiveite

that allowed them to believe the best

of everyone they met

you have things to learn from them

they have wisdom too

 

be especially kind to the mother of children young

doing the best that she knew how with no knowledge

of roads and curves that lay ahead

 

offer tenderness to the version that hurt

that absorbed and held much pain

she did this to allow the rest of you

to function

carry on

 

this one

that one

and all the ones in-between

 

they are important

they matter

they have led to who you are

they are welcome here one and all

and are loved

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Scott Higdon on Unsplash

i always imagined that i would one day be

cool, calm and collected, serene,

with my self-consciousness completely

expired—and sometimes i am

 

but more often than not i find myself

a little bit restless, a little bit frazzled,

the one who trips over the crack

in sidewalk known or drops a fork

on the floor loud in the middle of the

wedding speech

 

but now when all eyes turn towards me,

i find i am not as bothered as back

when i was younger still

 

because i remember things like

how much my children belly laugh

and smile at the memory of me

falling face first on soft turf,

thankfully unharmed–but

unable to get up for a moment

on account of laughter

ringing raucous and free

 

i have learned that it really does not matter

that i am seldom calm, cool and collected

because life is unpredictable and

it’s better to embrace me

 

the genuine version that usually fidgets

too much when everyone else sits still

because genuine i respect in others

and is all i can authentically be.

 

—there is a deep and lasting freedom that comes with authenticity and your authenticity encourages others to relax as well

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash