Heather Pound

I have a little sign on my nightstand that says, “Friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyway.” I’ve got to admit that part of my reason for choosing to get the sign was it’s lovely, duck-egg-blue colour(!), but the words spoke to me as well.

I see those words in two ways.  One, as a reminder that true friendship requires vulnerability. As one of my favourite and frequently-quoted-by-me authors Brene Brown says, we all crave connection, yet there is no real connection without vulnerability. If people are going to really love and accept us, then we have to give them access and let them see who we really are. Otherwise we’re always going to know that they don’t know the ‘real’ us and therefore always second guess their good opinion of us. Not a nice way to live.

Years of living in different places and cultures have taught me that some of the best friendships end up being those that take time to grow.  Those friendships aren’t always even with those that I’m instantly comfortable with. Sometimes vulnerability is a process worth the time and effort involved.

The second way I see the words, “Friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyway,” is as a challenge on what kind of friend I want to be. If you are in my world I want to commit to not easily tossing you aside. I don’t want to be a wilting flower that just can’t handle who you are. I want to offer you connection and love–even if it’s not always easy. Of course, there are appropriate boundaries in that I’m not going to let you stomp all over me. Stomping is going to mean that I probably wouldn’t trust you with the deepest parts of my own heart and we’re going to have to talk some things out, but I want to love you and offer you acceptance of who you are anyway. After all, I’ve never walked in your shoes and don’t know all the battles you’ve been through. And hopefully over time we can help each other grow.

“People start to heal the moment they feel heard.”                                                                          -Cheryl Richardson

After all, in a perfect world, that’s what I hope that you’d do for me.

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”  Matt. 7:12

I’ve read those words so many times that my eyes can fly right over them. Today, however, they made me stop and think. We can gloss over them in a reactionary way: OK, I’ll be nice to you because I want you to be nice to me. But to really mean those words we need to go a lot deeper.

To treat others the way we’d like to be treated we need to not only look at them through our personal perspective but actively look into theirs. If we were in their condition, social class, frame of mind, life experience, etc, etc, etc, then how would we want to be treated? Looking deeper is not the easy road, but if we’re not willing to go there in our hearts we’ve already translated the person into an ‘other than us.’ And ‘other’ quickly looses it’s humanity and value. Other can quickly become a case of ‘Us vs. Them’ and all of the ugliness that brings.

To live intentionally like this takes effort and vulnerability.  It also takes lack of judgement. The same chapter in Matthew also says.” For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.” (Matt. 7:2)

Remember,

“Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy.”  -Thomas Merton

Determining worthiness is the job of our Creator alone. And He already proved how much He thinks of each and every one of us by sending His Son to be the permanent, unfaltering sacrifice for us. He has made us worthy. And He, more than anyone else EVER, knows all about us and likes us anyway! We are known and we are loved. And we have the absolute privilege of intentionally playing that acceptance forward into the lives of those around us.

A number of times lately I’ve heard the clear, clarion call to step aside from my daily life and spend time with God.  That awareness of Something so much greater than I can explain and the urge to commune with Him.  But, I got busy.

Why is it that especially when things are going well, the longing may be there but it can get pushed aside by the doing?

I used to feel oh-so-guilty when I pushed that call aside—-my Father wanted time with me and I’d neglected Him.  I hadn’t paid proper attention to Him and left Him waiting outside my life like the stereotypical grandfather waiting all alone for his neglectful, busy kids to visit. But not long ago I had a paradigm shift.

When God calls ‘come’ it’s for me. It’s because He has all the peace of His Presence to offer; all the deep companionship that I desire; all the friendship, wisdom and infilling of joy that I need. He completes everything I lack.  He has the answer to every question I could ever ask.

Quite simply, when He calls and I don’t respond—–it’s ME that misses out.

Anne Voskamp wrote this morning, “Life’s not about growing your career, your bank account, your retirement fund, your platform, your status—Life’s about growing your soul.”

Our souls. The thing that we often give the least attention to. We don’t realize how devastating it is to us to ignore that Call, to step aside and ponder, to learn, to sit at His feet and grow.  To cling to the Vine and the Source of life that He is.

Like a wanderer lost and delirious in the desert, we starve—-and only because we are too dull-witted not to drink the water that’s right beside us.

I’m starting the Empty Nest phase.  We still have one at home and we keep collecting others to look after, but three of my chicks have flown.  A visiting daughter was leaving her 7-month-old with me to babysit recently and asked if it still hurt when I separated from my own kids (as she left her delicious little lad with me!). I brushed off the question with something about how it gets easier, and it does when your kids are doing what you spent years teaching them to do and creating their own lives, it’s what we want. But throughout the day I realized that I wasn’t completely honest with her, that there were aspects of the adjustment that I hadn’t been facing and was routinely numbing in my own heart.

Like the Ebenezer Scrooge’s ghostly friend Jacob Marley, the longer we avoid Him the more we drag the baggage of our lives behind us as a weighty ball and chain. It’s painful, stressful and heavy and after a while it becomes too much and we need something to numb the pain.

In the modern world ‘busy’ just might be our biggest numbing vice. It covers a whole range of distractions. The physical tasks of our lives are easier than our ancestors and we have convenience coming out of our ears, but we can’t stop for a minute or the pain becomes too much to bear. We don’t look away from the screen, put down the phone, look into the eyes and hearts of the people around us because we’re asleep inside—and we’re afraid to be anything but that.

But here’s the thing, as one of my favourite authors Brene Brown says, “You cannot selectively numb.” When you numb anything it’s all inclusively wound up with every emotion.  When you numb the pain, you numb the joy, the connection, the peace, the fun, the happy, the love; basically all the good stuff that we’re looking for!

That’s not how I want to live. In fact, there are segments of my life that I wish I could have a do-over on for this very reason. Sometimes self-preservation is necessary and OK for a season when we’re waiting for the worst of pain to pass, but then the time comes when we need to engage again and we’ve just gotta do the work.  We’ve got to face the baggage to get free of it if we want to experience real joy again.

I wonder if avoiding God becomes part of our numbing? Because if we sit long enough in the Presence of our Creator we can’t help but feel something. And that’s the very thing that we need to DO. Sit with the pain in the healing comfort of His Presence. Share in the joy. Give Him the sorrow. Hold His hand and face the anxiety. Release the stress. Realign to our True North that makes everything else navigable.

I realized years ago in a counselor’s office for the sake of self-preservation that the very place I feel a strong resistance to going to in my head is actually the thing that I need to address the most. I think that’s true when we feel the call to spend time with Him as well. It’s not what He’s wanting from us, it’s what we need. 

So let’s stop avoiding and say like Paul did, “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ”  (Phil. 3:8)

The loftiest goal. The biggest mountain to climb. The greatest reward. If we really understood Who He is we’d do nothing but run toward Him and say, “I’m coming, Lord.”

My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
    And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” (Ps. 27:8)

Don’t settle for numb—–go for the joy.

Header Photo: Beth Waterman

Other photos: Cathi Geisler

I wrote this in 2010 in India and it came back to mind this week with lots of hate displayed in the media.  It was published in the “Women of the Harvest” Ezine back then. I’m sitting on my hands in order to not rewrite and expand on it now because it still challenges me as is, and is reflective of my state of mind as I adjusted to life there.  I hope it challenges you, too!

“A lot of community life goes on outside of my window. People that live near our old building in a decrepit part of the city hang out in the courtyard at least a couple of times a day when the water comes on and the common tap that supplies water begins to flow (ours gets pumped to a tank on the roof during these times). It’s been fun to observe their individual personalities, hear the clinking and clanging of pots and pans, the chatting and laughter.

There are arguments, too. Sometimes quite heated. But before too long it goes back to the general sharing of lives, teasing, and playfulness.

You see, while they represent different personalities, families, types of employment, etc, they have to work it out and get along. Because they all share the same source of water!

I’ve been learning a lot about fellowship in the Body as well since we live in close community with co-workers. They are an awesome group of people and we get along really well, but in a practical way it’s brought Rom 12: 9-18 to life. Words like, “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them,” takes on a deeper meaning when you’re around ‘them’ 24-7 while overheated and overworked. “Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable,” when 20 the women who work in the business we’re part of work in a room just across a small balcony from our kitchen and can easily assess the atmosphere of what’s going on in our home.

It challenges me about how to live that way in a broader perspective, too. We are all so different; have different goals, dreams, callings on our lives, preferences, things we do or don’t enjoy—–but we really SHOULD to get along.

Why? WE share the same Source of Water, too.”

“But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” John 4:14

“Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.'” John 7:38

It’s always, always available—so dive right in!

I’m that person that walks into things. You’ve met me or you ARE me, right? All of my ‘most embarrassing moments’ have something to do with being awkward. Not watching where my feet were going. Focusing on something other than what was right in front of my face.

It’s done wonders in keeping me humble and taught me to not take myself so seriously!

One of my strongest love languages is ‘Words of Encouragement,’ so it really helps me to verbally hear that I’ve done something well. I need that. But if I’m not careful it can create another tension in me, another way I can awkwardly walk right into things. Because if I hear, ‘Well done!’ toooo much, no matter how hard I try to push it back, I can become proud. Or at least take my eyes off of my need for God and stop looking to Him for strength. Are you with me?

I’m usually impressed with myself right before I fall down. Over the years I have grown and hopefully improved, but every time I realize I’m becoming prideful, if I don’t intentionally realize that it has nothing to do with me, something happens that makes me fall flat on my face again. I have a bad event, a bad day or sometimes a bad season.

Here’s the truth: anything I do well really has nothing to do with me. After all, how can I take credit for that Still Small Voice in my ear (God’s Holy Spirit) that tells me which way to go, what to say, what to do even when I don’t realize it’s Him? How can I take credit for the natural giftings that I was born with? For my genetics? For insights that God Himself has taught? For values passed on to me? For passions that He instilled?

I guess the only thing that any of us can really take credit for is in the ‘yes.’ The ‘yes’ to acting on an idea, ‘yes’ to doing something our conscience compels us towards, ‘yes’ to working on and growing an innate talent.

Even then the free-will to act for ourselves is a gift from God. Even then it’s His leading, teaching, training and even basically and profoundly the suggestion or event that causes us to cognitively notice and say, “Yes,’ in the first place. But God does grant us the ability to also say, “No,” if we wish.

The ‘yes’ brings powerful, living light from our relationship with God.

I read an article about teen suicide recently and about how social media is producing a culture where our youth are terrified of being ordinary.  To live ‘normal’ lives.  To “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life…and work with your hands.” (1 Thess. 4:11) What a horrible pressure to put on our kids!

Just this morning Humans of New York posted this from a young lady in Russia, “I’m afraid I’ll live a useless life and nobody will remember me. I don’t feel a strong interest toward anything. If I do, it’s just a momentary thing, and then I drop it. I tried acting. I tried swimming. I tried dancing. But I got bored with all of it. If I don’t choose something soon then I’ll leave nothing behind. We only have a certain amount of energy in life. If you don’t put it somewhere then it’s wasted.”

She’s right and she’s wrong at the same time. We all want to be worthwhile, but can confuse the value of what we do with who we are. Accomplishment becomes a barometer of worth when real value is in the being, with what’s in the heart.  “People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Sam. 16:7)  Things like love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22) determine living successfully and are what actually impact the people around us. Let’s put the limited energies of our lives where it counts.  

Life must become less about importance and more about living in His Presence.

So how do we live like that? We are all different with unique things that drive us, but for me it comes down to dialing down my heart and meditating on Who He is. His magnificence that He displays through all that He has created. Right now outside my window I see a barren winter tree on a dreary day. It’s summer colours are gone, yet it’s beautiful in the spindly angles and symmetry of its frame. There’s a Tui that spends a lot of time there simply singing for joy. God guides the tangle of each branch and He would notice if that Tui fell, yet He holds the patterns of the stars of the universe in His hands. And somehow He knows and values me. And you.

A little bit of that sort of regular pondering and prayer and I find it easier to avoid pride and say, “Yes!” to whatever small thing He’s put in front of me today. And when something goes really well and get’s noticed, the regular act of prayerful meditation helps me remember that it was still just all about the ‘yes.’ The rest is all Him.

Saying, “Yes,’ is an act of faith.  It can seem perfectly natural—or be perfectly terrifying! The ‘yes’ is where the victory is achieved, before the rest happens.  It’s where freedom comes, where joy is created, where peace is gifted, and it is the birthplace of anything extraordinary.

So “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with you one wild and precious life?” (Mary Oliver)

All photos in this post by my talented friend Alice Laing.

I have a friend who discovered that she loved running as an adult. When her kids were half grown she trained and put in the hard work needed to start. She loves half marathons but has pushed through a number of marathons as well. She finishes marathons and says, “I don’t know that I’ll ever do that again!” yet she ran another a few weeks ago. On her birthday. For fun.

The only word I have for that is—-Astounding!

As we linger over coffee she filters through thoughts trying to explain why she relishes the experience. Basically she loves the joy of being pushed beyond what she thinks she can endure and finding out that there’s more in her than she thought, that she can actually do it.  I have an ‘ah ha!’ moment as she speaks and realize that was part of the adventure to me the few years we lived in Calcutta, India. It was crazy hot, physically hard, and took lots of time to just survive and look after my family, plus we had to constantly work to learn the language; but I enjoyed the challenge. I was living something that a lot of people couldn’t, or at least wouldn’t do. It felt like a massive achievement.

To push ourselves and feel the satisfaction of finding the strength to do something amazing is a basic human drive that motivates many to produce the extraordinary.

Being human has it’s limitations, however.  We can only push so far, reach so high, try so hard, dig so deep, be so ‘good.’ That’s why one of the most breathtaking things about being a follower of Jesus is experiencing life with His limitless energies, capacity, wisdom, knowledge and power raising us up out of our ordinary humanity to be MORE.

On our very BEST day, more than we could ever be on our own.

So why do we frequently forget our own limitations and try to see how far we can make it on our own? We eventually become desperate and dry and flounder back to Him crying, “God, where were you?” when He was there all along patiently waiting for our childish hearts to look up and remember that He is the Source.  To remember that sometimes doing what seems like nothing—is actually everything.

“It strikes me increasingly just how hard-pressed people are nowadays. It’s as though they’re tearing about from one emergency to another. Never solitary, never still, never really free but always busy about something that just can’t wait. You get the impression that amid this hurly-burly, we lose touch with life itself. We have the experience of being busy while nothing seems to happen. The more agitated we are, the more compacted our lives become, the more difficult it is to keep a space where God can let something truly new take place.”       -Henri Nouwen

Space to breathe, to refresh, to listen…..

Sometimes the reason we strike out on our own is pride, but sometimes I wonder if it’s because we simply have a skewed understanding of Who God is.  We think that His way is just too hard. Or that He is too demanding.

But there are words like this:

“As pressure and stress [from the world around us] bear down on me, I find you in your commands.  Your laws are always right; help me to understand them so I may live.”   ~Psalms 119:143-144

God’s Word is not intended to be stress producing, but freedom bringing. The Bible isn’t intended to bind us up in a straight jacket, but to protect us and guide us on the best path that leads to joy and peace. To set us free! “God is love.” (1 John 4:8)  “He is gentle and humble in heart” and brings rest to our souls. (Matt. 11:29)

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”  ~Psalms 119:105

All over the Psalms are verses of thankfulness for God’s direction through His Word of Life.  (Psalms 119 is an especial example of this!) I love how this particular verse implies darkness through the need for a lamp and a light. For anyone who has ever walked an unknown or dark treacherous path, you know that the light is a very welcome thing!

Sometimes, just like when we’re physically ill there are times that all  we can do is lay down and rest. But like eating again after a stomach virus, as soon as we can, we need to ‘eat’ again of his Word and renew our strength.

Our culture preaches self-sufficiency, but still recognizes the necessity for the basic needs of food, water and shelter. We don’t deny these physical needs. Maybe we need a deeper understanding that God’s Word really truly is spiritual food. Without it, the tool that most directly feeds us and draws us into relationship with our Shepherd, we will wander off looking for nourishment elsewhere and starve.

Just like God showed Elijah that He didn’t intend to be heard through the wind, earthquake or fire, He wants to speak to us the same way He did back then, in the quiet place, in a gentle whisper. (1 Kings, 19:12) What an amazing example of His character and Who He is!

We need to feed ourselves to grow, to survive. The amazing by product of tapping into our Father through His Word is this, “Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him.” (Col. 2:7)

Just like so many things with God, this upside down path of the simple leading to the amazing is the REAL path to producing the extraordinary.

Just strap your seat belt on for the life ride that He takes you on then!!!

My first blog chronicled the life of our family overseas so others could follow our adventures. ( http://www.poundspilgrimage.blogspot.com ) Over time my writing became less about events and more about the thoughts triggered by them, every day occurrences and observations that had practical or spiritual applications. The family blog became mine and I wrote faithfully for a number of years followed by a hiatus while real life consumed all of my mental energy.

It’s time to get back to this thing that I love that brings balance to my world, however, so here’s a new name and a new look where I’ll create and express thoughts that occur triggered by the journey of life.  And my sincere hope is that it might encourage or challenge others on journeys of their own!