Heather Pound

you gaze around bewildered
because they cannot comprehend 
just do not understand,
this person or those people 
whose opinions you value 
or this society even

but there are just some things
that cannot be grasped
before walking through
that searing, white-hot flame

of thinking you were ‘fine’ one day
but waking with a ton of bricks 
pressing down upon your chest
the next 

you say, why do people not realise
that this astounding, complex organ
this vast, little understood universe 
of neurotransmitters, neurons and cells

controlling every action, every cognition
each and every sense or emotion 
can be injured too?

you say, if only there were a cast
upon your leg
or something they could
clearly see

then you might be allowed 
without question, without suspicion
without judgement 
without well-intentioned 
but unhelpful suggestions,
all the time you need 
to heal

--things i hear regularly in my practice from those with 
burnout/anxiety/depression. this is what they want people
to know but often can’t communicate. 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Katherine Hanlon on Unsplash

you fell to the floor broken
and there for a while you stayed
because it took a whole lot of gathered
strength to raise your head again

and as you looked around, shattered
at all the bits and parts that made up you,
looking at one here
turning another one over there

the realization came 
that there were
multiple pieces you 
         didn’t 
     even 
remember

that you had no idea you had ever possessed,
talents, traits, skills, things such as these

and you were curious
--so you explored some of these
trying this pattern together here
testing out another over there

and when, over time, you put yourself
gently back together, piece by careful piece, 
you glanced in the looking glass 
and hardly recognized 
the face that was there
restored

you recognized a more ‘you’ version of you 
than you had ever imagined
made possible by the breaking 
of the person that you were

and this, while sometimes painful
has led to the formation 
of the person that you are

heather pound 2024

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

the truth is you will never
be the same again
and you cannot even comprehend  
who that person was

how they could think what they did
or act the way they acted,
opinions so innocently or ignorantly
formed

but life and tragedy interrupted, 
and now you must grieve 
the legion of losses
of who you were
(and this is no small thing)

before you can even begin 
to consider embracing the ‘you’ 
that you are becoming

--but from what i can see
that person is spectacular

heather pound 2024

Photo by Maryan Ivasyk on Unsplash

if you walk out your door anxious
looking here and there for information
that proves you are somehow defective
or not enough

that you don’t quite fit in 
or are inherently strange
in the opinion of others around, 
the truth is---if you seek evidence
of things like these
                 then you will always find it.

but here is what you must understand 
before you waste another moment
trapped in cycles such as these:

this fact, it is true for e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e
everywhere 
always,
each and every human 
has experiences like these. 

but the beauty of this phenomenon 
of finding what you seek
is if you alter what you’re 
perpetually searching for
                 then you will find that too.

heather pound 2024

Photo by Josh Hild on Unsplash

after living in places far and wide
country to country
locale to locale,
i delight in the fact that 

i live in an area now
where i run into people i know
casually at the chemist
or walking along the beach 
    (walks take much longer this way)

that the man who owns the dairy
stocks my favourite
harder-to-find popcorn
just because i like it
    (seriously. just for me)

that i live within walking distance
to dear friends who would all
band together should emergency arise 
    (we discuss this happily from time to time)

that people here get overly excited
about things like lower petrol prices
or the opening of a supermarket 
    (big news indeed!)

and post on online community pages
when emergency vehicles wail past
    (making sure everyone is okay)

that there are miniature fairy villages
down by the beach at the bases of trees. 
they are undamaged and are 
still being added to several years on
    (no one knows who’s doing it!)

it’s not that this place is perfect but 
it’s a quiet place where i know others
and am known
    (and it’s mine)


heather pound 2024

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

i wake to the sound of birds

and the squeak of him shifting

in his easy chair right outside the door

 

he will have been up for an hour

at least, first coffee already consumed

as i slept on

 

a rhythm of life we’ve discovered

since he falls asleep practically as

pillow embraces head

 

and i do not, and for an hour or so

nightly read by sheltered light once

his soft snores begin beside

 

as i throw off covers and open up

the door, the cat jumps up from his lap

for my morning scratches then

 

leads me out to empty bowl insistent.

and the morning begins as usual

peaceful

        routine

                chosen

                         beautiful  

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Stephanie Harvey on Unsplash

there you are, hanging on

for dear life to the edge

of the proverbial cliff

 

you cannot look down

to find your escape

lest your hands slip

and you fall, broken

 

you cannot climb back up

with arms that are weakened

and shake

 

so you keep holding on

for something, anything

to lift you from this place

 

and while you wait anxious

hoping that help will come

if only you stay still

 

sometimes, the reality is no one

really understands the intensity

of your experience

(you might just mask it well)

 

unless you take a deep breath

be vulnerable to

open your mouth

 

and tell them…

 

and if they don’t take you

seriously at first

then tell them

louder once again

 

                    —cliffs are not meant to be

                          quietly endured

Photo by Julian Hochgesang on Unsplash

sometimes

the things people say that are

meant to be complimentary,

words like survivor or strong

in various different ways,

to you–they ring a bit untrue

or sting

 

since it wasn’t like you

asked for the hand you were

dealt

 

it wasn’t that you simply rose

as phoenix from the ashes

made new

 

because, really–

putting one foot in front

of the other was something

you had no choice

but to do

 

and just because you can

carry the weight you’ve inherited

does not mean for one second

it isn’t really, really

heavy

 

–but i hope it’s lighter than it used to be

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Mikita Yo on Unsplash

if you could see the whole story

of someone else’s life,

see the hurts and the pain

the aching needs unmet

the things that were shattered

and crushed

 

if you could see the rejection

how they were abandoned

and the things they were

required to endure

 

then you would never

look with distaste

or shake your head

at these one or two things

that trigger your judgment

fierce

 

and you would view them

with naught but the softest

most tender

the most understanding

of lovingkindness

instead

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

if i have anything to give today

anything worth putting on a page

it is this—

 

that life may not always go

as expected

that people can let you down

betrayed

that your journey might often

be filled with pain

 

–but without things such as these

how would we recognize goodness

when it gathers in close?

 

and how then would we know

how absolutely crucial it is

to open our hearts hopeful

to seek out the Light?

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash