Heather Pound

i have almost always behaved.

been the good student, daughter

citizen, mother, wife

 a rule follower is me

 

but sometimes i like to

lift the latch, push door open a bit

to peer outside

and think about the walls that restrain

a little bit rebellious

 

just because a barrier is there

does not mean its intentions

are honest

or fair

or reasonable

or even required

 

and the young one still inside

longs to run in the fields free

gather daisies from the grass

unfettered

 

lay down and stare up

at the blue-blue sky

identifying shapes in clouds

as they float on past

 

and this adult version

has the ability to choose, evaluate

decide which rules to follow

and which to discard

 

what was put there for good

what is fixed in value

and what just might be built

upon a foundation of someone else’s fear

 

            –ponderings

heather pound 2024

photo Unsplash+ by Ave Calvar

there she stood

on top of a rubbish heap,

her neighborhood

the city dump

where she lived

in hut formed

of branches and canvas

that blew in wind

and foraged

in what other people

left behind

for sustenance

 

clutching her babe

to her breast

hollow eyed

hair unkempt

trying yet to stand

tall with pride

 

our eyes met

and my heart

breaks now

just as much

as when i was twenty

and saw for the first time

some of the ways

that other humans

must survive

in places many eyes

will never see

 

            –and this still should never be

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Ravi Sharma on Unsplash

when the hard things swoop in

talons open, beaks ready

to remove the cover, lift the lid

 

and shows you things are not

as safe as they once seemed.

that painful things do happen

to those closer than you’d think

(and maybe even you)

 

you cannot go back in time

shove down experience, re-seal the lid.

 

what’s to be done

once one is aware

that ‘surely not me’

was an illusion,

that there are things waiting

to steal away peace

sudden?

 

perhaps you can find out instead

that even though you tremble

you have the strength to stand

 

even when your voice is soft

you still can speak the words

 

even if your heart is sore

its beat is strong and sure

 

this getting back up

this trying again,

this is the force

that conquers the fear

 

            —resilience

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Ales Maze on Unsplash

on my first full day in the isles

i was taking a walk in my new neighborhood

stretching jet lagged legs

and a large-muscled dark brown man

walked towards me on the street

machete in hand

 

and my heart palpated

and it took my whole being

not to turn and run

 

“bula” he said with a smile

and walked on past and down the road

grasping his daily gardening implement

in his own country, not mine

 

            –the day i realised racism was alive in me

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Bill Fairs on Unsplash

concern begets overthinking

overthinking begets worry

worry begets fear

fear begets anxiety

 

round and round

and round again

 

do you know this hamster wheel

that smells of sweat and blood

spinning around constant

can end?

 

because even though

that little voice inside

speaks otherwise,

you can leap off the wheel

at any point you choose

 

to lay in wood shavings soft

for even a little, tiny bit

feel the ground beneath

notice the body you are in

and what your senses feel

 

take some breaths deep and slow…

and realise that

 

intentionality begets consideration

consideration begets agency

agency begets stability

stability begets perspective

and

     perspective

                        begets

                                  peace

 

            —breath it in

 

heather pound 2024

Jigar Panchal via Unsplash+

tentacles of mist weave

around the heart solid

sucking out colour and the sun

into variants of grey

 

can you breathe

can you stand

will you ever feel the sun again?

 

sometimes

desperation

is the catalyst needed

for something different

to begin

 

            –it’s not over yet

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Dave Hoefler on Unsplash

two days ago, i chopped back

the ailing plant of mint

that lives on my back porch

 

leaves blackened from too

much water perhaps as i

forgot to empty its saucer

after recent heavy rains

 

while not an expert

on plant related things,

i knew enough to trust

in the tenaciousness of mint

that my mauling would not

end its stubborn reign

 

but lo & behold, this morn

there were already tiny leaves

sprouting fierce all around

and was reminded that

in nature and in every

living thing—things are

not always what they seem

 

things that are broken—can mend

fears that exhaust us—can end

hearts where hope appears dead

can rise up unexpected

covered with blankets

of fresh leaves

 

heather pound 2024

there are always at least

two paths, two versions

of the story that we

tell ourselves as we

interpret all the

events of life

 

we may never know

the real intention

of the person that

spoke those words

or did that thing

or set something

into motion

 

—but if we’ll never

really know

then ask yourself

which version

you would like

to believe?

 

            —choose the one where you were ‘good enough’

 

Heather Pound 2024

photo Ales Krivec via Unsplash +

what if you are operating from

an illusion

one telling you the importance

the essence

the heart of what you must do

and the impact you should

leave behind?

 

what if the world around

or social media

or the people on your street

or your very own mind even

are filling you up with expectations

adding to your stress

opening a can of worries

when this need not be?

 

what if it is not about making sure

you leave your mark behind

when you leave this life

this must be remembered nonsense

stealing away your joy?

 

we are all designed to do great

and tremendous things

–but your great is subjective

to the eye of the beholder

to the heart of the receiver

 

and for many your legacy

just might be

that you have offered the water

of kindness

cup by refreshing cup

dipped from your heart

onto parched soil around

 

if this is you

this is powerful

this is world-changing

and this is enough

 

heather pound  2024

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

you are not broken

you are simply

ready to mend

waiting

 

but take heart,

mending is not

necessarily a painful

surgery of repair

 

mending is sometimes

a step by step process

of learning how to dance

 

Heather Pound 2024

Photo by Olivia Bliss on Unsplash