if you gather fresh leaves and force them down into a damp bin all squished in, crushed and sealed tight
then over time if you press in more and more and more…. pretty soon you will have a slimy, gooey, smelly mess disgusting
but if you allow the leaves to be out in the open exposed to the elements even if they are messy and crinkle when you walk (for a time), they will wither and dry
then one blustery autumn day they might blow away or enrich the soil in the course of winter rains nourishing the growth of green, green growing things in the coming spring
---the difference between squashing down painful emotions and letting them breathe
you gaze around bewildered because they cannot comprehend just do not understand, this person or those people whose opinions you value or this society even
but there are just some things that cannot be grasped before walking through that searing, white-hot flame
of thinking you were ‘fine’ one day but waking with a ton of bricks pressing down upon your chest the next
you say, why do people not realise that this astounding, complex organ this vast, little understood universe of neurotransmitters, neurons and cells
controlling every action, every cognition each and every sense or emotion can be injured too?
you say, if only there were a cast upon your leg or something they could clearly see
then you might be allowed without question, without suspicion without judgement without well-intentioned but unhelpful suggestions, all the time you need to heal
--things i hear regularly in my practice from those with burnout/anxiety/depression. this is what they want people to know but often can’t communicate.
you fell to the floor broken and there for a while you stayed because it took a whole lot of gathered strength to raise your head again
and as you looked around, shattered at all the bits and parts that made up you, looking at one here turning another one over there
the realization came that there were multiple pieces you didn’t even remember
that you had no idea you had ever possessed, talents, traits, skills, things such as these
and you were curious --so you explored some of these trying this pattern together here testing out another over there
and when, over time, you put yourself gently back together, piece by careful piece, you glanced in the looking glass and hardly recognized the face that was there restored
you recognized a more ‘you’ version of you than you had ever imagined made possible by the breaking of the person that you were
and this, while sometimes painful has led to the formation of the person that you are
if you walk out your door anxious looking here and there for information that proves you are somehow defective or not enough
that you don’t quite fit in or are inherently strange in the opinion of others around, the truth is---if you seek evidence of things like these then you will always find it.
but here is what you must understand before you waste another moment trapped in cycles such as these:
this fact, it is true for e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e everywhere always, each and every human has experiences like these.
but the beauty of this phenomenon of finding what you seek is if you alter what you’re perpetually searching for then you will find that too.
after living in places far and wide country to country locale to locale, i delight in the fact that
i live in an area now where i run into people i know casually at the chemist or walking along the beach (walks take much longer this way)
that the man who owns the dairy stocks my favourite harder-to-find popcorn just because i like it (seriously. just for me)
that i live within walking distance to dear friends who would all band together should emergency arise (we discuss this happily from time to time)
that people here get overly excited about things like lower petrol prices or the opening of a supermarket (big news indeed!)
and post on online community pages when emergency vehicles wail past (making sure everyone is okay)
that there are miniature fairy villages down by the beach at the bases of trees. they are undamaged and are still being added to several years on (no one knows who’s doing it!)
it’s not that this place is perfect but it’s a quiet place where i know others and am known (and it’s mine)
