Heather Pound

i wake to the sound of birds

and the squeak of him shifting

in his easy chair right outside the door

 

he will have been up for an hour

at least, first coffee already consumed

as i slept on

 

a rhythm of life we’ve discovered

since he falls asleep practically as

pillow embraces head

 

and i do not, and for an hour or so

nightly read by sheltered light once

his soft snores begin beside

 

as i throw off covers and open up

the door, the cat jumps up from his lap

for my morning scratches then

 

leads me out to empty bowl insistent.

and the morning begins as usual

peaceful

        routine

                chosen

                         beautiful  

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Stephanie Harvey on Unsplash

there you are, hanging on

for dear life to the edge

of the proverbial cliff

 

you cannot look down

to find your escape

lest your hands slip

and you fall, broken

 

you cannot climb back up

with arms that are weakened

and shake

 

so you keep holding on

for something, anything

to lift you from this place

 

and while you wait anxious

hoping that help will come

if only you stay still

 

sometimes, the reality is no one

really understands the intensity

of your experience

(you might just mask it well)

 

unless you take a deep breath

be vulnerable to

open your mouth

 

and tell them…

 

and if they don’t take you

seriously at first

then tell them

louder once again

 

                    —cliffs are not meant to be

                          quietly endured

Photo by Julian Hochgesang on Unsplash

sometimes

the things people say that are

meant to be complimentary,

words like survivor or strong

in various different ways,

to you–they ring a bit untrue

or sting

 

since it wasn’t like you

asked for the hand you were

dealt

 

it wasn’t that you simply rose

as phoenix from the ashes

made new

 

because, really–

putting one foot in front

of the other was something

you had no choice

but to do

 

and just because you can

carry the weight you’ve inherited

does not mean for one second

it isn’t really, really

heavy

 

–but i hope it’s lighter than it used to be

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Mikita Yo on Unsplash

if you could see the whole story

of someone else’s life,

see the hurts and the pain

the aching needs unmet

the things that were shattered

and crushed

 

if you could see the rejection

how they were abandoned

and the things they were

required to endure

 

then you would never

look with distaste

or shake your head

at these one or two things

that trigger your judgment

fierce

 

and you would view them

with naught but the softest

most tender

the most understanding

of lovingkindness

instead

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

if i have anything to give today

anything worth putting on a page

it is this—

 

that life may not always go

as expected

that people can let you down

betrayed

that your journey might often

be filled with pain

 

–but without things such as these

how would we recognize goodness

when it gathers in close?

 

and how then would we know

how absolutely crucial it is

to open our hearts hopeful

to seek out the Light?

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

the word ‘diagnosis’ startles, jolts

echoes like a slamming door

and while i know

this was information sought 

and information beneficial  

 

there is also loss, a sadness unexpected

for years and years gone past

where had i known

(but no one knew back then)

i might have done things different

 

for one

i would have judged myself less…

 

i would have judged myself less

understood

 

and maybe life would have been sweeter

as i lay in bed at night rethinking the day

and self-acceptance would perhaps

have sooner come

 

and anxiety might not have pinched  

with talons so sharp and constricting

with the extra effort required

to function as ‘normal’

 

maybe i could have offered myself grace…

 

and while grateful for the knowledge

grief must now be felt

(grief and self-pity do not taste the same)

 

so, i will sit, let this settle

before i return grateful for insight

granted to make a difference now

–and for the superpowers wrapped up

with adhd

 

tomorrow i will smile encouraged

but today, to feel this–is honest

 

 –for all my dear friends, this was written earlier this year, but i am sharing now for the benefit of those who can relate 

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Christian Kielberg on Unsplash

let us look together

sort through the hurt, the shame

the grief, the understandable rage

with curious eyes and compassionate

hearts

 

let us not judge the damage we find

left from the path of cyclones past

where survival was all that mattered

and the mind is still too tired to tidy up

 

let us show understanding to the parts

that are doing their very best

although they may have become too  

used to their methods and mechanisms

to suss out a different way

and are currently problematic

 

we’re not here machete in hand, hacking

through undergrowth indiscriminate.

no, we are here to tip-i-toe whisper-soft

observing only, while the wildlife grows

accustomed to our presence

 

then and only then, will we engage

and consider ways to support the

ecosystem’s change.

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash

there is a section of towering trees

on the road i travel often

that in the autumn becomes

the most brilliant tunnel

of yellow

 

but for a time every spring

while the right side is covered

with a blanket of moss-green leaves

the left is naked still, barren

 

and i wonder if this has to do with

drainage or an underground stream,

roots that don’t go down as deep

strong wind

or simply because one side soaks up

more sun

 

yet every year reminds

how variations

in the most basic requirements

or placement

might all the difference make

 

how being in a state that is stripped

might simply be

because the nourishment required

has not been gathered yet

 

and buds and new growth will come

with simply a bit more

of a wait

 

                        –everyone has their own timing

 

heather pound 2024

Photo by Sam Dellaporta on Unsplash

to the tiny spot living below your heart,

that very small dot you’ve discovered

that is able still to notice, be present

and observe things that are good

in spite of everything else,

                                          i see it

 

it is not as insignificant or fragile

as it might first appear…

 

it is small due to pressure and force

adversity extreme,

withstanding a multitude of hardships

and over time has formed into

–a diamond

 

somehow, amazingly

it still exists

 

and glimmers

with a sliver of hope

 

isn’t that remarkable?

 

                                                                  heather pound 2024

Photo by Natalya Letunova on Unsplash